L'entrée au Collège

Rédigé par Véronique - - 134 commentaires

Passage Initiatique dans la vie d'un enfant

Faire son entrée au collège, pour certains c'est réjouissant, pour d'autres c'est l'équivalent d'un saut dans le vide sans parachute. 

Parents nous pouvons prendre les devants quand nous constatons les signes avant-coureurs d'une angoisse naissante. 

Quels sont ces signes?

- refus de l'enfant de parler de sa prochaine rentrée scolaire

- une façon non naturelle d'en parler en faisant du zèle, ce qui ne lui ressemble pas (il en fait des tonnes).

- un pressentiment car vous connaissez la sensibilité de votre enfant face aux changements (et celui-ci est de taille).

- votre propre peur quant à cette prochaine rentrée: soit parce que vous même avez vécu un passage difficile soit parce que vous appréhendez l'établissement lui-même, soit parce que vous percevez que votre enfant n'est pas prêt à affronter ce changement.

Que pouvez-vous faire?

La règle d'or est de parler avec son coeur de parent et non pas avec son mental. Il n'y a rien de pire que de rationnaliser ce qui vient des profondeurs émotionnelles. L'objectif de votre intervention est de maintenir le dialogue, d'être à l'écoute sans pression excessive, d'établir un lien tout en finesse et subtilité.

1. Si votre enfant est du genre taiseux, c'est à vous de mettre des mots sur ses non-dits, sur ce que vous interprétez derrière ses silences. Peut-être vous détrompera t'il, peut-être aurez-vous vu juste et ce sera le début d'un dialogue entre vous.

2. Si votre enfant est du genre fanfaron, du genre à s'inventer des actes héroïques, le mieux est de le laisser dire. Il s'agit en réalité d'un entraînement virtuel au self-défense. Cependant, ses histoires mettent en lumière son sentiment d'inquiétude et ce qu'il imagine comme dangereux. Vous pouvez dans ce cas jouer son jeu et évoquer avec lui différentes possibilités d'actions en cas de problème. Des plus folles aux plus sages, c'est-à-dire celles notamment où l'enfant signale immédiatement aux adultes du collège les difficultés auxquelles il est soumis. Il est possible de jouer comme au théâtre toutes ces possibilités d'action en cas de danger. Cela entraîne le corps et l'esprit. Votre enfant se sentira mieux armé et soutenu par vous.

3. Si vous-même avez vécu ce passage au collège difficilement et que vous projetez sur votre enfant vos propres angoisses. Soyez certain qu'il le ressentira.L'idéal est que vous lui racontiez en toute franchise votre propre expérience. Attention, l'idée n'est pas de vous faire passer pour un héros, vous ne l'étiez pas. Racontez les choses telles que vous les avez ressenties, même si ce n'est pas glorieux. C'est aussi lui livrer les découvertes sur vous-même que vous avez faites, votre capacité à vous protéger, à vous défendre, les sens de l'observation et du discernement dont vous savez faire preuve, le choix plus sélectif des amis, les stratégies de repli...

Il est possible que vous ayez pris du recul sur cet épisode de votre vie bien plus tard. Ces expériences traumatiques sont à l'origine des blocages dans nos relations avec les autres, même à l'âge adulte. Nos relations sont faussées car nous revivons au contact des autres le harcèlement vécu ou ressenti quand nous étions enfant. Le mieux est de s'en débarasser en se faisant aider par un professionnel de l'accompagnement.

4. Il y a un gardien en chacun de nous. Votre enfant a lui aussi son propre gardien. Il se manifeste quand il perçoit un danger. Ce gardien est un allié précieux quand on a su faire sa rencontre. Vous pouvez lui faire imaginer ce gardien, son physique, ses outils, ses ressources, son lieu de vie. Faites-le dessiner afin que votre enfant puisse le voir. Faites-le dialoguer avec son gardien, lui demander ce dont il a besoin pour que la rentrée se passe bien...

J'ai rencontré l'année dernière après la rentrée scolaire, quelques gardiens de mes jeunes consultants. Aucun ne se ressemblait mais ils avaient tous en commun les mêmes stratégies de protection : déclenchement de crises d'angoisse, projection d'un film catastrophe de type harcèlement, isolement, somatisation, distorsion de la réalité, perte d'appétit, repli sur soi, rupture de la communication avec les parents, agressivité.

Il y a toujours des solutions pour accompagner nos enfants sans être intrusif. Ils ont leurs expériences à vivre, desquelles ils tirent leurs propres enseignements. Faisons leur confiance et exprimons leur cette confiance en mettant en avant leurs qualités de communication, d'adaptation, leurs goûts pour la découverte et leurs motivations à grandir.

Tout l'art du parent est d'être attentif, sans surprotéger. Et si, toutefois, vous sentez que l'enjeu émotionnel est trop lourd pour vous dans cette présence soutenante auprès de votre enfant, pensez aux professionnels dont c'est le métier que d'entrer en contact avec ces magnifiques gardiens de l'âme.

Véronique RICHARD-BONETTI

www.laquetedujetherapie.fr 

 

 

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